whenever people out there try to hurt me, i tried to convince myself that No they dun mean it. but now i know the truth. yes they are hurting me. AND they mean it. and stop trying to act like you are concern when you are just faking it. i really cant stand it. if you like it so much take it back la. why must you pass it to me and let me suffer? take it all you want! i dun care. afterall it's going to break. i dun wanna care anymore. just let me have peace. and take away the pain. i had enough of suffering from all the pain.

so sian. had a really bad day. got 7periods of phy within two2 days. ytd mr njoo came into our class to talk to us during ms teo's lesson coz she neber come. we really wronged him. it wasnt his fault actually. ytd didnt slp at all. coz i am vomitting throughout the whole night. but nth came out. so i practically sit in the toilet for the whole night. this morning go see the doctor and she press my stomach once jiu say is infection. where got like this de. den i 1020am reach sch and i had to sit at uncle ramu there until 12plus. lucky ms chua save me! xDD my stomach still beri pain leh. rawr!! it's getting worser everyday. will it end just liddat? is it true? will you regret only after you lost it? why cant you just try getting closer to us. i want to know!

please have some faith in both of us. i will neber like anyone in school. believe me! but seriously i am scare that you will like some other girls. FAITH is all i need now. i need confidence too!! i need air to blow louder! i need patience to teach them! i need them to listen to me!! i wont give up hope. i tried my best to control my feelings alrdy. but outside band i started crying again. if only i can stop crying everything will just be fine. i am thinking too much alrdy. cant stop myself. i really feel i am a bai chi sometimes. i really cant stand the sight anymore. why is it that it's always us who are giving in? what wrong did we do to deserve all these? i mean they cant be so bad as to call us wait for so long bahx. stood ther like stone waiting for them. haix. will it stop? i hope to go back to the past where all of us are loving each other so much.

today is the 7th month le. but it doesnt matter. coz it wont be suay de. it will be fine. i guess just now i really broke down after controlling myself for so long. i kept quiet from the moment i stepped into the band room. getting depression soon. haix. but with you by my side i think i dun need worry anymore. coz you can share with me. i promise no matter what happen from this moment i will tell and share with you.

i just bath hao!! hahas. i went out to savannah to bowl. shereen is so cute!! she sang the spiderman song!
Spiderman. spiderman.
i can see your underwear!
not too big, not too small.
so cute!! hahas. well i walked in the rain. i'm sorry to break the promise. but is my cousin. dumb de. i tell her go take bus she say dun wan. den jiu walk back lor. den the rain started getting heavier. and both of us are so wet! can squueze water from my shirt. LOL. AND my bubble tea kena the rain water so cant drink. RAWR!
i going out le. hahas. dunno going where. i miss him so much!! so badly.

i will not hide my feelings from now onwards. if i am happy i show it. if i am sad i show it. of i am angry i show it. i dun care what other think anymore. what they wan say is their own problems. i dun care! i feel that the mountain is piling inside me and blocking my light. i cant see why i am facing all these. i cant see anything in front of me. i just cant. i guessed what cs ytd said was right. how will i cope with so many things. with relationships, studies, band &O level. i oso dunno how am i going to cope. i just wish that i am strong enough to bear all these responsibilities. i really hope so. if only i can. i am trying to have more hope. but i dun think it is helping. like what jj said must ren. i have ren for all these one yr plus le. what did they expect me to do? ytd de rehearsal was bad. clar scetion so big but cant hear a single sound. i alrdy blow beri loud le. if they neber help blow louder how are the judges going to hear us. it's my fault for not being strict enough. haix.

later my dad going for his company's dinner &dance. so cute! they having a play Flower Wood Blue ( hua mu lan) LOL.

dad: where are all my bing (soldiers)?

soldier: orh pi se( officer) here are the bing (take ice).

dad: do you resepct me? i say where are (soldier not ice)!

soldier: sorry

dad: sorry your father ar?

soldier: sorry sir!

punishment

dad:go to the wall and kiss it.

soldier ran to the wall, kiss and came back.

dad:did i call you to come back? go back and kiss the wall.

i cant imagine! it's so funny! hahas.

i dun think i can hold on anymore. i cant see the light shinning in front of me. it just seem to me that even if i let go nobody will care. why should they even care? like what chelsea said. they need me. but i dun think so. nobody will. so what if only one1 person care? i noe i should be happy that at least one1 person still care but i just dun feel like holding on. just now after the meeting i was busy thinking well i noe the leaders are stressed. but i am too. what did they expect me to do. it's just 74 more days. i dun think i can do it. our aim is the gold with honours. althought they say it doesnt matter what we get i noe it does. but the main prob is we cant unite. it doesnt feel like one1 family. i wanted to hold on tight like i have promised but i just cant hold on anymore. it hurts to see these. i need you here with me. but you doesnt seem to care bout the hurt i am going through so it doesnt matter. i just wish that everything will go away soon. and that i can see the light in front. i wish. ben wrote these song. i find it meaningful lor. it seriously describe my feeling.

This darkness covers me
i feel so scared and alone
I wonder how and wonder why
Each day as i walk my path in life
And was wondering
Can the light be found

This pain that is cutting through
This unbearable, scary feeling
How i wish to find someone
to remove this pain and
Give me this love i longs

Can someone please help
Can someone love me

I met this person
He gives me love
I wonder how this feeling
makes me feel so loved
I wanna dwell forever
in Your loves and
Your presence
Please love me
for eternity
and forever

by: ben.

sometimes i really wander what has to me ever since i took over this position. i have been feeling stress rught from the start. but no one knows. cause i hid my feelings too well. no one understand. i know i should be fierce. but when i started scolding ppl they sae i dao. mayb what chelsea say is right. dun care bout what others say. i finally understand what all my seniors had gone through. to think that i have been so childish as to get angry with them. i have grown up now. i dun think i can take it anymore. not like i can teach the sec2s to listen to me. they just wont listen. what can i do? someone pls help me! i cant go on liddat. if only i never take up this position. it all started bcoz of me. bcoz i cant blow well. bcoz i cant teach well. bcoz i cant bond the section well. the seniors all saw wrongly. i dun have that potential. can i give up? i promise chelsea not to. but i cant carry on. she said the section needs me. but it doesnt seem so to me. even when i am not there, they can still survive well with jj. i'm sorry jj. ytd i wasnt there with you to bear the scoldings.

so sian. sch reopen for like eight8 days and i am alrdy so tired. i'm totally tired. all i wan for now is too have a rest and neber ever wake up. if only i could. tired of everything. so much hmwk to rush. i really very bu shuang can. why shld i stand this kind of thing lor. you think beri fun is it? every single min call me to shut up. why dun you shut up yourself? in the end so many ppl end up calling me to shut up. like very fun leh. and whats wrong with his face. how could you said that lor? do you even consider my feelings? to think that i care for you so much and almost end up in trouble bcoz of you. i dun wan care now. so many things happened to you and by telling me i will end up getting beaten by some ppl de. i'm tired of all these.

i am too tired to blog. sian. later got tuition as usual. and i dunno a single thing bout probability. i cant understand anything that have been taught these days. i am getting older as days passed by. and i oso getting slower to understand things. today de test i think i can get zero le. cs still say easy. she is crazy la. i have been dragging my feets these two days. coz beri pain ah! stupid shoe. sian. i miss him so much. if only i can be with him.

I AM BACK AGAIN!! finally! woots. my com down for 2wk. RAWR!! but bcoz sch reopen le oso no much time to blog la. hahas. i am so tired can. i'm such a weak person. even the doc oso dunno whats happening to me. sian. i think i am fated to have weak bones for my whole life. i have got loads of hmwk waiting for me. sian sian.

hmt: mr lua [in place of mr khoo :( ]

maths: mr ang

eng: mrs loh

chem: ms teo

phy: ms chua

F &N: ms lee

ss: mr benson tay

pe: mr preston tay

i am fine with all my teachers. but i especially miss mr khoo. mr lua's method of teaching isnt same as him. coz he really talked alot. i regret that i neber treasure mr khoo. i really miss him now. how i wish he can cm back to us again. from the start of sch i have been a good student. coz i done my hmwk so diligently. except for those holi hmwk. coz i really have no time. from now onwards i gonna smile every second. coz there is nth for me to sad about anymore. he promised. i shld have more faith in the first place. and with my good buddy, eileen tay, she can make me smile with every sentence she said. she is so dumb. hahas. like not funny la. make me laugh till stomsch pain. hahas. whatever. i miss him so much. ((: