i dunno what's going wrong? why everything i do is wrong. fuck up. my mother ytd confiscated my phone. not as if she neber confiscate before. but i just dunno why i cried. i have been wronged again. why am i always wronged for things i really neber do?? damn it!! i cried in bed after everyone went to slp. i looked strong on the outside but inside, i'm actually torn. i break down. tears flow down. it was hard. i had to keep damn quiet while crying. i cried. mayb bcoz of my phone. but i seriously noe the tears are the hardship that i had been going thru for the past one year. it hurts. i finally break down. those things that i kept in me are finally cried out. the tears just flow. i stuffed myself with pillow so that no one can hear me cry. no one can ever understand the pain i am going through. lying on my bed, i felt so afraid, so lonely. i suddenly feel that i was wrong to live in this world, where everyone wronged me. band, friendship, family. everything!! what's happening to my world. i cried for so long. i finally understand what is the meaning of no tears. this morning i woke up, i looked horrible. my eyes were puffed up. i didnt slp. i wandered. how long has it been since i had a good night slp. i'm sorry for letting everyone down. if you think it's my fault den let it be. i have got no more strength to argue anymore. i'm tired. i'm seriously tired of everything. it isnt so easy to cheer up. everything that pile up in me isnt going to make me happy. break down. i noe what it means now. i cant take it anymore. when i walked to the busstop this morning, i felt tears rolling down again. i dunno why. as i type tears are rolling down too. why cant i stop them. i'm lost. i need someone to pull me back. i'm confused. i'm scared. what am i going to do now?
i wondered what's baby doing. i wondered whether he got received my last msg not. i miss him so. i'm waiting for him. is he coming.
Written with a pen
Sealed with a kiss
If you are my friend,
Please answer this:
Are we friends or are we not?
You told me once, but I forgot.
So tell me now and tell me true,
So I can say, I am here for you.
Of all the friends I've ever met,
You're the ones I won't forget.
And if I die before you do,
I'll go to Heaven
And wait for you.
am i going to survive it?
